Storm ... is not the man I thought he was, the man I knew so long ago. Literally. He always said he didn't think he was that one, but he couldn't be sure. He said he was in Charleston at the right time, that he'd had a short stint in the Navy. And he said he did remember me, just not coherently. Suggestion? Someone I resemble from his past? Or flat out lies? I'm so exhausted and disconnected from Spirit now I don't know. I don't blame Storm, though -- it was all so ... complicated.
But the beautiful, sweet man I loved so long ago ... died in 2004.
I spoke to his widow this morning and there is no mistake. I remembered that my gentle Jim had a hip injury from an accident after we had gone our separate ways and I asked Storm about it. He just said he didn't know about that. I thought perhaps it had healed, it's been so long. His widow said Jim walked with a limp until the day he died.
It's hitting me now very hard, harder than it should because of my relationship with Storm. He reawakened that love of long ago. It is ... almost? supernaturally strange how similar he was to the man I remembered. His mannerisms, his beliefs, his build, that rare, elven lilt to his eyes and even his scent ... His beliefs on racism were word-for-word. I remember a silly kid's joke Jim told me back then, while we were walking to the beach. Storm told it again, with the same preface. Even his cute little Smedley snigger was the same as Jim's.
But when Storm and I began to disconnect as the problems and differences became insurmountable, his scent changed.
Now the Storm has passed into history, one more ex, and my sweet, gentle Jim is long dead. In Spirit for almost a decade.
What in the name of God happened here?
Is this what Storm's angel friend meant when she said, "You must pass through the Storm to find Heaven?"
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