Testing, testing... Oh, FU!

7:39 a.m. and I'm going to sit down and write an article about writing for Freelancer sites and bidding on them. I need to know how long it takes to write an article about a subject I am familiar with, and what I would actually be getting paid per hour to write 500 word articles for $1 to $3, which seems to be the going rate. So, this is basically a test as well as an information article. This is... let's see … 82 words so far.

So, the problem I'm having with the freelancer sites is that, as I've told many people, talented, English-speaking writers are being forced to bid against ESL (English Second Language) writers who run into the room and yell, "I'll do that for $2 and a scrap of bread!" on a $2,000 project. Not good.

I feel for these people, usually from third world countries where they are practically starving, but this is bringing everyone down to the level of pay of the most desperate. I've been thinking about starting a global writer's guild. That's the only way to get the rates up for everyone.

OK, this is now, let's see...196 words.

So, I've worked on Freelancer dot com and I've made a total of $660 after fees. I think that was after fees? Anyway, that was doing work at a tenth of the recommended fee schedule of the Editorial Association of America. I've checked out other writing sites, like DoNanza and Elance, and they seem to be pretty much the same – projects are going out on budgets of $250 tops which should be paying $2500. Sad, but there it is.

I really wonder if there is a way to correct this situation. I see people with degrees from Universities and years of experience bidding on these pitifully paid projects. Say that three times fast. No, don't.

So, here I am writing on a subject that I am knowledgeable about – writing. And it's taken me, let's see, until 7:50 am to get this far. This far is: 342 words.

My son refuses to work on these sites because of the low bidder factor. He has no experience, so he'd be working for pennies just to build his reputation. I'm trying to get him some projects, but I really have to push. I even put up a work project especially for him. And he wouldn't take it, at the time. So, what next?

How do I start a writer's union? I was thinking of starting one, a little tongue-in-cheek, called Freelancer's Union (note the acronym FU) Yes, I meant that. FU. Something for those people who want to make writers into slaves to think about.

And this is, what...? 453 words, 7:56 am.

So, fifty words to go... Let's see, what else can I throw in here, just to fill the page and get my timing test done? See, normally, writing an article would include some research, so this is an optimistic estimate of my work value. I can't normally write this fast, off the top of my head.

And this is... 516 words. 7:58 am.

58

-39

19 minutes

Which means, if I slam three articles off an hour (really?) I'd make from $3 to $9 an hour. Yes, we need an FU. A rousing FU!

Reaching

I haven't done a blog here in a while, but I feel like I should get some things out of my heart and off my chest. Maybe it will help me get past this dry streak.

I've been fighting some depression, isolating. I like to call it a "chrysalis time" when I'm giving myself a break, but it doesn't really feel like it this time. I'm not sure I'm going to come out of this a butterfly.

My favorite DJ, on my favorite radio station, is Brant Hanson. Whenever I feel down, I can always count on him and Sherry to make me laugh, or just get my mind off my problems and on to caring for others. He is so incredibly honest about his perceived shortcomings – I say "perceived" because he always manages to give them to God, and God makes them a strength. And he can make fun of himself.

The down side of going to Brant for a lift, is then I compare myself to him. He has a beautiful, supportive wife, a great job fulfilling a wonderful purpose, helping millions of people. I've managed to help a few people here and there, but …

But...

I'm just feeling like I have a long way to go, and I'm going to have to do it alone. I know God is with me, but I want Him with me in form. I'm tired of being alone. All the "successful" people seem to have a mate standing by them, supporting them, encouraging them. I'm tired. And I know saying this makes me even less attractive as a mate. My sister mentioned recently that a lot of men "don't think about what they're bringing to the table," in a relationship. So I guess I'm realizing that I don't have much to offer when I'm in this place, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I've already given everything I have to help others. What I didn't give, was taken from me.

Do I have anything to offer? I think I'm a talented writer, but... I've been watching Supernatural, and The Vampire Diaries, and Arrow, and Revolution... I would LOVE to be on one of those writing teams.

I ask myself: could I come up with stories like that? Not by myself, probably. But that's the point: they have a writing TEAM.

I don't even want to think about what this next year is going to hold for me. I've actually found myself holding back from getting too involved in story lines for my characters because I don't want to let my roleplay partners down AGAIN when I lose... if I lose... I can't even say it.

So, I want to be like Brant, here. I want to be honest. I'm having a hard time. I can't do this alone. I'm tired. I can't help anyone when I'm needing help myself.

Brant is a DJ on a Christian station, so he always leads everything back to the love of God. I know that love, but there are times when I feel so far from Him. So tired I can't even reach up to Him. Today is one of those days. Or maybe, it was, because I guess I'm reaching now.