Reaching

I haven't done a blog here in a while, but I feel like I should get some things out of my heart and off my chest. Maybe it will help me get past this dry streak.

I've been fighting some depression, isolating. I like to call it a "chrysalis time" when I'm giving myself a break, but it doesn't really feel like it this time. I'm not sure I'm going to come out of this a butterfly.

My favorite DJ, on my favorite radio station, is Brant Hanson. Whenever I feel down, I can always count on him and Sherry to make me laugh, or just get my mind off my problems and on to caring for others. He is so incredibly honest about his perceived shortcomings – I say "perceived" because he always manages to give them to God, and God makes them a strength. And he can make fun of himself.

The down side of going to Brant for a lift, is then I compare myself to him. He has a beautiful, supportive wife, a great job fulfilling a wonderful purpose, helping millions of people. I've managed to help a few people here and there, but …

But...

I'm just feeling like I have a long way to go, and I'm going to have to do it alone. I know God is with me, but I want Him with me in form. I'm tired of being alone. All the "successful" people seem to have a mate standing by them, supporting them, encouraging them. I'm tired. And I know saying this makes me even less attractive as a mate. My sister mentioned recently that a lot of men "don't think about what they're bringing to the table," in a relationship. So I guess I'm realizing that I don't have much to offer when I'm in this place, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I've already given everything I have to help others. What I didn't give, was taken from me.

Do I have anything to offer? I think I'm a talented writer, but... I've been watching Supernatural, and The Vampire Diaries, and Arrow, and Revolution... I would LOVE to be on one of those writing teams.

I ask myself: could I come up with stories like that? Not by myself, probably. But that's the point: they have a writing TEAM.

I don't even want to think about what this next year is going to hold for me. I've actually found myself holding back from getting too involved in story lines for my characters because I don't want to let my roleplay partners down AGAIN when I lose... if I lose... I can't even say it.

So, I want to be like Brant, here. I want to be honest. I'm having a hard time. I can't do this alone. I'm tired. I can't help anyone when I'm needing help myself.

Brant is a DJ on a Christian station, so he always leads everything back to the love of God. I know that love, but there are times when I feel so far from Him. So tired I can't even reach up to Him. Today is one of those days. Or maybe, it was, because I guess I'm reaching now.

Smoting Fox News

Not all Democrats are Godless liberals.  Take this true story as testament to that.

A certain minister, whose greatest desire was to be like Christ and travel the world doing healing work, was in a little town in Georgia, just outside of Savannah, back in the early months of 2012.  She was a staunch Democrat, believing that our "government of, by, and for the people" should also demonstrate Christ's love by caring for the poor and the sick.

Since she had joined in a boycott on Fox News, the mouthpiece of the GOP, when she went into a certain McDonald's and saw that there were two TV sets on Fox News and Fox Business, she asked the woman behind the counter to either turn the station or turn them off.

"They only get two stations, and I ain't touching them!" the woman responded, horrified that she would lose her job for this.

"Well, if you can't turn off Fox, then I can't buy anything here," the minister responded calmly.

For several months after that, she would come in when the little local coffee shop was closed and use the Wi-Fi there, but she faithfully refused to purchase anything.  She was always friendly and polite to everyone, sharing what enlightenment she could. Beside her on the table was a picture of Christ -- the one where He is walking through the door after his resurrection with white and red light shining from His heart -- displayed on the table beside her.

Occasionally she would mention to the employees why she was not buying anything there, until one day she had to talk to the manager when the wi-fi wasn't working.  She told him that she was boycotting Fox News and asked him to change the channel, which had never been on anything but Fox and Fox Business for the entire time she had been frequenting the restaurant.

"Oh, I think it gets MSNBC and CNN and several channels," he lied.  And then he hemmed and hawed and the channel being changed was not an option, somehow.  "My boss owns twelve stores," he explained, as if that would impress her and convince her to break her boycott.  She just stood there smiling and nodding, and walked away.

The next day, when she came in, she was surprised to find that the TVs were off.  "Oh, you did it!" she said to one of the counter staff, "You turned off Fox!"

"Oh, no -- the satellite was struck by lightning," the man responded.

The minister laughed out loud and sat down to write the manager a note.  On the back of the now worn picture of Christ (she carried several, to give away when directed by Spirit) she wrote this message:

"Your boss may own 12 stores, but MY boss owns the Universe, and HE said, 'Turn off Fox!'"

And just so Snopes will know this story can actually be verified, I will tell you how she signed the message:

Reverend Sarah S. Ray