Leaping Hurdles

I now have 12 reviews!  This is good!  I thought I read somewhere that once you get 10, Amazon offers another marketing push, but I can't find anything on it at the moment.  Still searching ...



I'm playing around with Amazon Associates, here.  I'll let you know if it's a good program.

<iframe src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=firtim-20&o=1&p=8&l=as1&asins=B00C7VZZIM&ref=qf_sp_asin_til&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="width:120px;height:240px;" scrolling="no" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" frameborder="0"></iframe>

OK, well, that's not good.  They give me the code to put in here, and it's supposed to give me a nice, pretty button to link to my novel or whatever else I find interesting that I want to offer.  Didn't work.

Hmph.

Alrighty then, editing and adding again.  Might be my fault, my settings were on  "show HTML literally"






Yaaay, it worked!  This is the book I read today. (Updated on 6/26/13)  Brought tears to my eyes.  Very well written -- she even used a technique that would have been a flaw in another story, but she did it with absolute purpose.  Excellent!

Moving On ...

I take a deep breath and let it out, centering myself.  I have work to do.

The ego wants to react in kind, inflame the pain.  I just want to stand in love, continue in love, try to keep on for the ones who have some chance to see the face of God.

I still love them, the ones in pain.  I never said I didn't love, but I have said that I don't trust.  And the consequences show me I was right not to trust.  I can't trust my life to the control of those who can't control themselves, those who, refusing to awaken, know nothing but striking out in agony, in the nightmare.  I will not respond in kind, because that is not me.  I am awake and I know the love of God.

I love.  I still love.

Freelancer.com and a Little Encouragement

So, one of my contacts through Wordpress.com, I believe, must have invited me to a site for freelancers, or I may have run across it somewhere.  I've started posting bids to do editing and ghostwriting on this site, and I snagged my first project!

It's not very good money there; actually it's pretty humiliating, but I'm hoping to build my reputation on the site and then I will be able to charge what I'm really worth.  The bids, unfortunately, are being driven down by people who are not native speakers and really are not qualified to be editing or ghostwriting in English.

However, it's good experience, and a little bit of money when you're in my situation is better than none.  Besides that, I LOVE the work!  I get to read some pretty good novels for a living, and offer my input to make them even better!

Now, the encouragement I got was actually a rejection letter. The feedback I keep getting is... well, here:
******
Thanks for the submission.

I like the concept and did go ahead and read a bit of your book since if was available.

Unfortunately, I can't take you on at this time. Your story is good, and your writing solid. But at this length, I think trying to sell it as a 99 cent novella is just about right. If it were three times as long and had a more complex set of subplots, then I'd probably want to talk more.

Thanks again. I wish you all the best with your writing career, of which I'm positive you've got one.

Sincerely,

Raymond Vogel
AEC Stellar Publishing, Inc.
******So

So, basically, the negative feedback I'm getting is, "I want more! Make it longer!"

And note that last sentence!  Isn't that awesome encouragment?

I guess I'll be taking it back to the drawing board.  I have some great ideas bubbling up for a sub-plot ...

The Worst That Can Happen

A friend asked me that question today. What's the worst that can happen?  At first I thought he was just talking about a little problem I was trying to help another friend fix -- she was having trouble getting my novel and she was in recovery from a stroke so everything was very difficult for her -- but I realized he meant it on a metaphysical level.  So I thought about it, and this is what came to me:

The worst that can happen? If the fundamentalist Christians are right and not loving a God who is A-OK with seeing -any- of his children burn in hell for eternity is what will put you in hell, burning for eternity.
[5:27:09 PM] Sarah Simrill Ray: IMHO

You know, those guys who sat around that table so long ago, the Council of Nicea, (the guys who decided what books should go into the Bible and what Christianity should be) were pretty smart marketers.  I think they must have asked themselves that question too, and then put it up there as what was going to happen to people who didn't listen to them.

But like I said, that's just IMHO.  In my humble opinion.

Back to Work ...

Storm is gone, roaming the West, and I'm still here, settling back into my routine. I may not live in a mansion, but I've got a window by my work desk and I'm happy not to be sitting in a cubicle, crunching numbers.

I have some good ideas for my second novel in "The Secret of Zanalon" series.  Just need to get it down on paper in an interesting format!

I got a big bump in my sales after I used three of my five free promo days; 2 - 4 sales a day, but that dropped off when I got my first review from a stranger.  I was ecstatic when I first got it, thinking it would be only the first, but I was wrong.  It was a three-star review, and even though the review made it clear that she wanted to see more from me, that didn't matter.  My sales went to zero.

I'm sure she didn't intend to destroy my career.  Well here, I'll post a link to her review, but don't forget to come back here, 'kay?

Jes' review

So, yeah, she wants me to keep writing.  I'm doing this blog just to get my thoughts out, and maybe someone will stumble across it someday and it will help them feel not quite so alone in their own struggles as a writer -- and as my sidetrack to relationship craziness shows, their struggles as a person.

I was hoping to make enough money from sales to pay for my cover art.  It was $250, and I commissioned it when I thought I was moving to NC to rent a room with friends.  It would only have been $180 a month, and I could have paid her in one month.  Instead, I'm here, paying $500 a month with absolutely nothing left over after insurance, gas, internet/phone, etc. 

She said I didn't have to pay her, she "would take it as a loss," but I don't want to do that to her.  She blessed me and I want to bless her.  Also, I want her to work for me again -- she's awesome!

But let's see, it would take 715 paid book sales at my current price and royalty to pay her.  I have 24. Sigh.

$8.05

Persistence pays, or so I've been told, so I'm going to just keep right on plugging.

I have a five-star review, too.  See?

Robin's review

But.

The damage seems to have been done.  Still zero sales.  I have two more days of free promo left -- maybe that will give me a bump again and hopefully more 5-stars than 3.  I think I'll aim for two weeks from now, and have a publishing party right afterwards. 

Off to work again!  My antagonist awaits!  Already he has a name, just waiting for me to fill out his personality and the details of his life.

Company, too.  Need to post work hours!

And just in case you're not familiar with the novel in question, here it is again:

Sorcerer's Vendetta

Gentle Jim and the Storm

Storm ... is not the man I thought he was, the man I knew so long ago. Literally. He always said he didn't think he was that one, but he couldn't be sure.  He said he was in Charleston at the right time, that he'd had a short stint in the Navy.  And he said he did remember me, just not coherently.  Suggestion?  Someone I resemble from his past?   Or flat out lies?  I'm so exhausted and disconnected from Spirit now I don't know.  I don't blame Storm, though -- it was all so ... complicated.

But the beautiful, sweet man I loved so long ago ... died in 2004.

I spoke to his widow this morning and there is no mistake.  I remembered that my gentle Jim had a hip injury from an accident after we had gone our separate ways and I asked Storm about it.  He just said he didn't know about that.  I thought perhaps it had healed, it's been so long. His widow said Jim walked with a limp until the day he died.

It's hitting me now very hard, harder than it should because of my relationship with Storm.  He reawakened that love of long ago.  It is ... almost? supernaturally strange how similar he was to the man I remembered.  His mannerisms, his beliefs, his build, that rare, elven lilt to his eyes and even his scent ...  His beliefs on racism were word-for-word.  I remember a silly kid's joke Jim told me back then, while we were walking to the beach.  Storm told it again, with the same preface.  Even his cute little Smedley snigger was the same as Jim's.

But when Storm and I began to disconnect as the problems and differences became insurmountable, his scent changed.

Now the Storm has passed into history, one more ex, and my sweet, gentle Jim is long dead.  In Spirit for almost a decade.

What in the name of God  happened here?

Is this what Storm's angel friend meant when she said, "You must pass through the Storm to find Heaven?"

First time?

First times ... Man, am I overwhelmed with that thought.

This was supposed to be a blog about my experience as a first time author.  This week, I brought my novel out on Amazon, and my most loyal friend and mentor, the only one who actually followed through on reading and reviewing my novel, was going to transfer his review to Amazon from Smashwords.

And then I got the news that his son died.

...

...

...

Words can never express what can only be spoken in the silence of the heart ...

...

...

Can I truly be honest here? I have friends who are so brave and open with who they really are, and sometimes I feel like I should just do the same, be who I am, damn the torpedoes.

Liane is one of those people. She is deeply involved with a site that has been a lot of help to me, Humanity Healing. I hope she reads this.

Because here I'm going to say it. I found ... wow, the computer locked up when I tried to write this. So, maybe not the time to reveal my secret here.

I come from a Unity background. I was taught that there is only God. Darkness is not a force, it is only the absence of Light.

But then I saw the Darkness, looking back at me from the eyes of the man who had shown me the Beloved in those same eyes. I wanted to believe that was an illusion, or perhaps a reflection.

(See The Divine Glance)

I'm beginning to feel like I've been left behind, a rescue angel now in need of rescue herself, dying alone in the storm she was trying to pull others from.

I asked my Beloved to come to me, in some form I could love, as my healing partner, but the man who came to me denies his Self while he indulges his lowest desires. Everything I try to share with him of the higher planes, he rejects vehemently.

I'm not even sure he's the same man I knew from 28 years ago, and he also says he doesn't think so, but then he says he remembers me, just not coherently, because of his brain injury after Desert Storm. There are so many things that are so similar to what I remember, though.

He, himself, has shared angelic messages with me, from a friend he respects, but he doesn't seem to understand what he is telling me, that he is telling me he is not the partner I have been waiting for. She said, "I sent an angel to watch over you, but he came back because angels don't watch over angels," and "You must go through the storm to find heaven."

And yet I love him with such intense gratitude that I can barely contain it within my heart.

Spirit tells me when someone is lying to me, but I do not tell them this, for several reasons. First, there is no reason to confront them that doesn't come from the ego. They know they are lying, why tell them what they know? It only removes any chance for true confession and growth, trading it away so that I can feel superior and stand in judgment. Also, they would not believe how I know.  But there is another reason: it takes away the "Duper's Delight" -- that liar's smile, the one they can't hide, when they think they've gotten away with it. If they know I won't tell them when I know they're lying, they cannot ever indulge that glee with Satan (i.e. the Satanic consciousness).

I thought he was my protector, strong with archangel energy. Then Spirit told me that he lied. He admits that he lies. Do archangels lie?

I think of a scenario that is very close to me in this moment.  Imagine you are hiding a Jewish friend from the SS. Of course you lie to protect them. So, do archangels lie, when it is in the best interest of the one they are protecting?

Spirit whispered to me of a lie. It wasn't one to protect anyone.

I'm tired, Beloved. I can't do this alone anymore. Is it really true that I can never have a real partner who is like me? Are we spread so thin that we are not allowed to be together? Is this my life, mission after mission, loving unconditionally those who have no desire to know me and truly love me in return?