A friend asked me that question today. What's the worst that can happen? At first I thought he was just talking about a little problem I was trying to help another friend fix -- she was having trouble getting my novel and she was in recovery from a stroke so everything was very difficult for her -- but I realized he meant it on a metaphysical level. So I thought about it, and this is what came to me:
The worst that can happen? If the fundamentalist Christians are right and not loving a God who is A-OK with seeing -any- of his children burn in hell for eternity is what will put you in hell, burning for eternity.
[5:27:09 PM] Sarah Simrill Ray: IMHO
You know, those guys who sat around that table so long ago, the Council of Nicea, (the guys who decided what books should go into the Bible and what Christianity should be) were pretty smart marketers. I think they must have asked themselves that question too, and then put it up there as what was going to happen to people who didn't listen to them.
But like I said, that's just IMHO. In my humble opinion.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Back to Work ...
Storm is gone, roaming the West, and I'm still here, settling back into my routine. I may not live in a mansion, but I've got a window by my work desk and I'm happy not to be sitting in a cubicle, crunching numbers.
I have some good ideas for my second novel in "The Secret of Zanalon" series. Just need to get it down on paper in an interesting format!
I got a big bump in my sales after I used three of my five free promo days; 2 - 4 sales a day, but that dropped off when I got my first review from a stranger. I was ecstatic when I first got it, thinking it would be only the first, but I was wrong. It was a three-star review, and even though the review made it clear that she wanted to see more from me, that didn't matter. My sales went to zero.
I'm sure she didn't intend to destroy my career. Well here, I'll post a link to her review, but don't forget to come back here, 'kay?
Jes' review
So, yeah, she wants me to keep writing. I'm doing this blog just to get my thoughts out, and maybe someone will stumble across it someday and it will help them feel not quite so alone in their own struggles as a writer -- and as my sidetrack to relationship craziness shows, their struggles as a person.
I was hoping to make enough money from sales to pay for my cover art. It was $250, and I commissioned it when I thought I was moving to NC to rent a room with friends. It would only have been $180 a month, and I could have paid her in one month. Instead, I'm here, paying $500 a month with absolutely nothing left over after insurance, gas, internet/phone, etc.
She said I didn't have to pay her, she "would take it as a loss," but I don't want to do that to her. She blessed me and I want to bless her. Also, I want her to work for me again -- she's awesome!
But let's see, it would take 715 paid book sales at my current price and royalty to pay her. I have 24. Sigh.
$8.05
Persistence pays, or so I've been told, so I'm going to just keep right on plugging.
I have a five-star review, too. See?
Robin's review
But.
The damage seems to have been done. Still zero sales. I have two more days of free promo left -- maybe that will give me a bump again and hopefully more 5-stars than 3. I think I'll aim for two weeks from now, and have a publishing party right afterwards.
Off to work again! My antagonist awaits! Already he has a name, just waiting for me to fill out his personality and the details of his life.
Company, too. Need to post work hours!
And just in case you're not familiar with the novel in question, here it is again:
I have some good ideas for my second novel in "The Secret of Zanalon" series. Just need to get it down on paper in an interesting format!
I got a big bump in my sales after I used three of my five free promo days; 2 - 4 sales a day, but that dropped off when I got my first review from a stranger. I was ecstatic when I first got it, thinking it would be only the first, but I was wrong. It was a three-star review, and even though the review made it clear that she wanted to see more from me, that didn't matter. My sales went to zero.
I'm sure she didn't intend to destroy my career. Well here, I'll post a link to her review, but don't forget to come back here, 'kay?
Jes' review
So, yeah, she wants me to keep writing. I'm doing this blog just to get my thoughts out, and maybe someone will stumble across it someday and it will help them feel not quite so alone in their own struggles as a writer -- and as my sidetrack to relationship craziness shows, their struggles as a person.
I was hoping to make enough money from sales to pay for my cover art. It was $250, and I commissioned it when I thought I was moving to NC to rent a room with friends. It would only have been $180 a month, and I could have paid her in one month. Instead, I'm here, paying $500 a month with absolutely nothing left over after insurance, gas, internet/phone, etc.
She said I didn't have to pay her, she "would take it as a loss," but I don't want to do that to her. She blessed me and I want to bless her. Also, I want her to work for me again -- she's awesome!
But let's see, it would take 715 paid book sales at my current price and royalty to pay her. I have 24. Sigh.
$8.05
Persistence pays, or so I've been told, so I'm going to just keep right on plugging.
I have a five-star review, too. See?
Robin's review
But.
The damage seems to have been done. Still zero sales. I have two more days of free promo left -- maybe that will give me a bump again and hopefully more 5-stars than 3. I think I'll aim for two weeks from now, and have a publishing party right afterwards.
Off to work again! My antagonist awaits! Already he has a name, just waiting for me to fill out his personality and the details of his life.
Company, too. Need to post work hours!
And just in case you're not familiar with the novel in question, here it is again:
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Gentle Jim and the Storm
Storm ... is not the man I thought he was, the man I knew so long ago. Literally. He always said he didn't think he was that one, but he couldn't be sure. He said he was in Charleston at the right time, that he'd had a short stint in the Navy. And he said he did remember me, just not coherently. Suggestion? Someone I resemble from his past? Or flat out lies? I'm so exhausted and disconnected from Spirit now I don't know. I don't blame Storm, though -- it was all so ... complicated.
But the beautiful, sweet man I loved so long ago ... died in 2004.
I spoke to his widow this morning and there is no mistake. I remembered that my gentle Jim had a hip injury from an accident after we had gone our separate ways and I asked Storm about it. He just said he didn't know about that. I thought perhaps it had healed, it's been so long. His widow said Jim walked with a limp until the day he died.
It's hitting me now very hard, harder than it should because of my relationship with Storm. He reawakened that love of long ago. It is ... almost? supernaturally strange how similar he was to the man I remembered. His mannerisms, his beliefs, his build, that rare, elven lilt to his eyes and even his scent ... His beliefs on racism were word-for-word. I remember a silly kid's joke Jim told me back then, while we were walking to the beach. Storm told it again, with the same preface. Even his cute little Smedley snigger was the same as Jim's.
But when Storm and I began to disconnect as the problems and differences became insurmountable, his scent changed.
Now the Storm has passed into history, one more ex, and my sweet, gentle Jim is long dead. In Spirit for almost a decade.
What in the name of God happened here?
Is this what Storm's angel friend meant when she said, "You must pass through the Storm to find Heaven?"
But the beautiful, sweet man I loved so long ago ... died in 2004.
I spoke to his widow this morning and there is no mistake. I remembered that my gentle Jim had a hip injury from an accident after we had gone our separate ways and I asked Storm about it. He just said he didn't know about that. I thought perhaps it had healed, it's been so long. His widow said Jim walked with a limp until the day he died.
It's hitting me now very hard, harder than it should because of my relationship with Storm. He reawakened that love of long ago. It is ... almost? supernaturally strange how similar he was to the man I remembered. His mannerisms, his beliefs, his build, that rare, elven lilt to his eyes and even his scent ... His beliefs on racism were word-for-word. I remember a silly kid's joke Jim told me back then, while we were walking to the beach. Storm told it again, with the same preface. Even his cute little Smedley snigger was the same as Jim's.
But when Storm and I began to disconnect as the problems and differences became insurmountable, his scent changed.
Now the Storm has passed into history, one more ex, and my sweet, gentle Jim is long dead. In Spirit for almost a decade.
What in the name of God happened here?
Is this what Storm's angel friend meant when she said, "You must pass through the Storm to find Heaven?"
Saturday, April 27, 2013
First time?
First times ... Man, am I overwhelmed with that thought.
This was supposed to be a blog about my experience as a first time author. This week, I brought my novel out on Amazon, and my most loyal friend and mentor, the only one who actually followed through on reading and reviewing my novel, was going to transfer his review to Amazon from Smashwords.
And then I got the news that his son died.
...
...
...
Words can never express what can only be spoken in the silence of the heart ...
...
...
Can I truly be honest here? I have friends who are so brave and open with who they really are, and sometimes I feel like I should just do the same, be who I am, damn the torpedoes.
Liane is one of those people. She is deeply involved with a site that has been a lot of help to me, Humanity Healing. I hope she reads this.
Because here I'm going to say it. I found ... wow, the computer locked up when I tried to write this. So, maybe not the time to reveal my secret here.
I come from a Unity background. I was taught that there is only God. Darkness is not a force, it is only the absence of Light.
But then I saw the Darkness, looking back at me from the eyes of the man who had shown me the Beloved in those same eyes. I wanted to believe that was an illusion, or perhaps a reflection.
(See The Divine Glance)
I'm beginning to feel like I've been left behind, a rescue angel now in need of rescue herself, dying alone in the storm she was trying to pull others from.
I asked my Beloved to come to me, in some form I could love, as my healing partner, but the man who came to me denies his Self while he indulges his lowest desires. Everything I try to share with him of the higher planes, he rejects vehemently.
I'm not even sure he's the same man I knew from 28 years ago, and he also says he doesn't think so, but then he says he remembers me, just not coherently, because of his brain injury after Desert Storm. There are so many things that are so similar to what I remember, though.
He, himself, has shared angelic messages with me, from a friend he respects, but he doesn't seem to understand what he is telling me, that he is telling me he is not the partner I have been waiting for. She said, "I sent an angel to watch over you, but he came back because angels don't watch over angels," and "You must go through the storm to find heaven."
And yet I love him with such intense gratitude that I can barely contain it within my heart.
Spirit tells me when someone is lying to me, but I do not tell them this, for several reasons. First, there is no reason to confront them that doesn't come from the ego. They know they are lying, why tell them what they know? It only removes any chance for true confession and growth, trading it away so that I can feel superior and stand in judgment. Also, they would not believe how I know. But there is another reason: it takes away the "Duper's Delight" -- that liar's smile, the one they can't hide, when they think they've gotten away with it. If they know I won't tell them when I know they're lying, they cannot ever indulge that glee with Satan (i.e. the Satanic consciousness).
I thought he was my protector, strong with archangel energy. Then Spirit told me that he lied. He admits that he lies. Do archangels lie?
I think of a scenario that is very close to me in this moment. Imagine you are hiding a Jewish friend from the SS. Of course you lie to protect them. So, do archangels lie, when it is in the best interest of the one they are protecting?
Spirit whispered to me of a lie. It wasn't one to protect anyone.
I'm tired, Beloved. I can't do this alone anymore. Is it really true that I can never have a real partner who is like me? Are we spread so thin that we are not allowed to be together? Is this my life, mission after mission, loving unconditionally those who have no desire to know me and truly love me in return?
This was supposed to be a blog about my experience as a first time author. This week, I brought my novel out on Amazon, and my most loyal friend and mentor, the only one who actually followed through on reading and reviewing my novel, was going to transfer his review to Amazon from Smashwords.
And then I got the news that his son died.
...
...
...
Words can never express what can only be spoken in the silence of the heart ...
...
...
Can I truly be honest here? I have friends who are so brave and open with who they really are, and sometimes I feel like I should just do the same, be who I am, damn the torpedoes.
Liane is one of those people. She is deeply involved with a site that has been a lot of help to me, Humanity Healing. I hope she reads this.
Because here I'm going to say it. I found ... wow, the computer locked up when I tried to write this. So, maybe not the time to reveal my secret here.
I come from a Unity background. I was taught that there is only God. Darkness is not a force, it is only the absence of Light.
But then I saw the Darkness, looking back at me from the eyes of the man who had shown me the Beloved in those same eyes. I wanted to believe that was an illusion, or perhaps a reflection.
(See The Divine Glance)
I'm beginning to feel like I've been left behind, a rescue angel now in need of rescue herself, dying alone in the storm she was trying to pull others from.
I asked my Beloved to come to me, in some form I could love, as my healing partner, but the man who came to me denies his Self while he indulges his lowest desires. Everything I try to share with him of the higher planes, he rejects vehemently.
I'm not even sure he's the same man I knew from 28 years ago, and he also says he doesn't think so, but then he says he remembers me, just not coherently, because of his brain injury after Desert Storm. There are so many things that are so similar to what I remember, though.
He, himself, has shared angelic messages with me, from a friend he respects, but he doesn't seem to understand what he is telling me, that he is telling me he is not the partner I have been waiting for. She said, "I sent an angel to watch over you, but he came back because angels don't watch over angels," and "You must go through the storm to find heaven."
And yet I love him with such intense gratitude that I can barely contain it within my heart.
Spirit tells me when someone is lying to me, but I do not tell them this, for several reasons. First, there is no reason to confront them that doesn't come from the ego. They know they are lying, why tell them what they know? It only removes any chance for true confession and growth, trading it away so that I can feel superior and stand in judgment. Also, they would not believe how I know. But there is another reason: it takes away the "Duper's Delight" -- that liar's smile, the one they can't hide, when they think they've gotten away with it. If they know I won't tell them when I know they're lying, they cannot ever indulge that glee with Satan (i.e. the Satanic consciousness).
I thought he was my protector, strong with archangel energy. Then Spirit told me that he lied. He admits that he lies. Do archangels lie?
I think of a scenario that is very close to me in this moment. Imagine you are hiding a Jewish friend from the SS. Of course you lie to protect them. So, do archangels lie, when it is in the best interest of the one they are protecting?
Spirit whispered to me of a lie. It wasn't one to protect anyone.
I'm tired, Beloved. I can't do this alone anymore. Is it really true that I can never have a real partner who is like me? Are we spread so thin that we are not allowed to be together? Is this my life, mission after mission, loving unconditionally those who have no desire to know me and truly love me in return?
Sunday, March 17, 2013
First Time in 28 Years
First times ... Well, since I've blogged last, I saw Storm for the first time in around 28 years. He had a lot of trouble making it here; his bus rear-ended someone backing out of a parking lot and that delayed him making his flight. He was catching a bus from Atlanta after the flight, so when I went to meet him, he didn't get off. I went early to Savannah so I could visit with my son, so I missed his call to tell me he wouldn't be coming in until the next afternoon.
It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride since then, and I've been dealing with health issues for most of his time here. I remembered what a high energy guy he was, and that hasn't changed, so this is not easy for him, with me stuck in bed sick. And with my training in empathic healing work, it's tough for me to deal with, also. I know what it means, and I can't stop it by myself.
So, I missed my "posting faithfully" on Fridays for my fanfic blogs and I've barely been online. There have been some other "first times" for both of us, but that's a little too personal to go into here ...
It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride since then, and I've been dealing with health issues for most of his time here. I remembered what a high energy guy he was, and that hasn't changed, so this is not easy for him, with me stuck in bed sick. And with my training in empathic healing work, it's tough for me to deal with, also. I know what it means, and I can't stop it by myself.
So, I missed my "posting faithfully" on Fridays for my fanfic blogs and I've barely been online. There have been some other "first times" for both of us, but that's a little too personal to go into here ...
Saturday, March 2, 2013
On Being a Biatch
My first day roaming around in my little car since I got it out of
the shop! I am sooooo happy to have my little Silver Ride back! Sealed a
deal with a client that I'm really going to enjoy working with, had a
fantastic lunch at a restaurant that made me feel like I was in a sci-fi
movie, and got everything smoothed over and happy with Storm.
Today was a good day. Yesterday, um, kinda sucked from the get go, though, but I got past it. Relationship issues. Gather that from the fact that things needed smoothing and happying?
Well, I learned something about myself, anyway. I still whip out the bitch badge in a heartbeat if someone says the phrase, "I'm bored," around me. Or more specifically, referring to me. Yeah. That kind of day.
So, there was a lot of misunderstanding involved, and I figured out (or decided?) eventually that he didn't mean he was bored with ME. But not before I decided to make his life EXCITING again. So either way, whether he meant it or not, problem solved, right?
Oh yeah, baby. I pushed my sweet Storm, a normally incredibly kind and patient man, into a flat-out, fire-breathing jealous rage.
Yus. I was bad. Very.
Sweet little Sarah who loves everybody unconditionally decided to write a chapter in the cosmic version of the book "Why Men Love Bitches." That's me!
Well, maybe not a chapter, just a blog, because I'm feeling pretty sweet again today. Time to get back to meditating more, though, definitely.
Today was a good day. Yesterday, um, kinda sucked from the get go, though, but I got past it. Relationship issues. Gather that from the fact that things needed smoothing and happying?
Well, I learned something about myself, anyway. I still whip out the bitch badge in a heartbeat if someone says the phrase, "I'm bored," around me. Or more specifically, referring to me. Yeah. That kind of day.
So, there was a lot of misunderstanding involved, and I figured out (or decided?) eventually that he didn't mean he was bored with ME. But not before I decided to make his life EXCITING again. So either way, whether he meant it or not, problem solved, right?
Oh yeah, baby. I pushed my sweet Storm, a normally incredibly kind and patient man, into a flat-out, fire-breathing jealous rage.
Yus. I was bad. Very.
Sweet little Sarah who loves everybody unconditionally decided to write a chapter in the cosmic version of the book "Why Men Love Bitches." That's me!
Well, maybe not a chapter, just a blog, because I'm feeling pretty sweet again today. Time to get back to meditating more, though, definitely.
What
saved me was a call from my sister. She's the middle sister, and we
have a pressure cooker relationship -- bubbles along happily for about
six months and then BOOM! Guts on the ceiling.
But that's a whole 'nother story, and her call in this instance was a Divinely timed miracle. She remembered this beautiful, sweet man from my past, and reminded me of how he used to give me the puppy eyes and how much we loved each other. She said, very gently, "That doesn't seem like something to break up over."
But that's a whole 'nother story, and her call in this instance was a Divinely timed miracle. She remembered this beautiful, sweet man from my past, and reminded me of how he used to give me the puppy eyes and how much we loved each other. She said, very gently, "That doesn't seem like something to break up over."
And I remembered making a promise to myself after the
last time I pulled the "queen act" and lost someone I love that I would
never do that again. I think there have got to be better ways to make
life exciting in a relationship.
But then again, make up sex is really awesome, too... *wink*
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